DirtMcGirt wrote on Saturday, Oct 09 at 12:39 AM »
Wake up people! The Calvinists, who worship Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes, are cooking delicous corndogs at the fair this week to fatten up our women. Then they will be unable to resist the weight loss promises of the Zumba classes in the churches they have infiltrated. Once inside the Zumba classes they will be trained in the art of seductive dance. This newly trained army of strippers will then be sent out lure in young men who will learn of the new strip clubs via powerful subliminal messages broadcast by the 800Mhz tower and from the eyes of the General Griffin statue.
Once the young men are lured in, the final step of the Calvinist plan will begin. The true purpose of the Pocket Park will be revealed when the Calvinists erect a fence around the area creating the perfect habitat for their true deity, Hobbes, the tiger from Calvin and Hobbes. The men will be fed to Hobbes each day when the Downtown Cloock strikes 11:47p.m. This will appease the mighty tiger and win his good graces.
The crafty Calvinsits have even thought about the possibility that the area women will remain strong and not be tempted and fattened by the delicious corndogs of the fair and thus not lured to the Zumba. They have been training men to dress as women for months to lure in the sacrifices. Why else would we have so many womanless beauty pageants.
You may also wonder what will happen when the young men of the area are gone. The Calvinists, never without a Plan B, will then finally complete the Senior Center luring hundreds of unsuspecting Baby Boomers from the surrounding area to the jaws of Hobbes with the promise of bingo, water aerobics and large print menus.
The GRIP
Once the young men are lured in, the final step of the Calvinist plan will begin. The true purpose of the Pocket Park will be revealed when the Calvinists erect a fence around the area creating the perfect habitat for their true deity, Hobbes, the tiger from Calvin and Hobbes. The men will be fed to Hobbes each day when the Downtown Cloock strikes 11:47p.m. This will appease the mighty tiger and win his good graces.
The crafty Calvinsits have even thought about the possibility that the area women will remain strong and not be tempted and fattened by the delicious corndogs of the fair and thus not lured to the Zumba. They have been training men to dress as women for months to lure in the sacrifices. Why else would we have so many womanless beauty pageants.
You may also wonder what will happen when the young men of the area are gone. The Calvinists, never without a Plan B, will then finally complete the Senior Center luring hundreds of unsuspecting Baby Boomers from the surrounding area to the jaws of Hobbes with the promise of bingo, water aerobics and large print menus.