Don’t underestimate your value

The following is an editorial column by Maria McCoy that appeared in the last print edition of The GRIP.

This is going to sound harsh. I don’t intend for it sound that way but I DO hope to get through to someone.

I see and hear it every day. Most of the time it’s a young lady (or even an adult), although it’s not unheard of for the male to be the one on the receiving end.

“It was my fault.”

“He only screams at me when I set him off.”

“He just gets angry and then lashes out but he always apologizes.”

These are excuses.

If somebody talks to you like this repeatedly, it’s an issue. It’s actually called verbal abuse. Maybe emotional abuse. It predicates physical abuse in many instances.

Now, let me preface this entire column by saying, sometimes your significant other or your friend or your parent or someone will speak to you harshly out of anger or sadness. It isn’t always going to be abusive.

There are times that a person’s words will come out harsher than they meant, but the difference is that these people will notify you of that and then will not repeat the behavior, so I’m not talking about them.

I’m talking about the person who continuously puts you down and then tells you that it’s your fault. The one who later apologizes only to continue the same behavior. YOU are not responsible for how THEY have reacted.

Let me make this clear to you. nothing, literally nothing you did, have done or will do makes you responsible for how someone else reacts.

If the person gets angry because things didn’t go their way, that’s their fault. And when someone punches the wall in anger, that’s their fault. When someone throws a shoe,nlashes out verbally, busts a laptop, hits an animal or whatever- because they are angry, it’s still their fault.

They decide how they react to everything that comes their way. After all, don’t you make your own decisions? So, you know that whatever you decide to do or how you decide to feel is all up to you.

We have the power to be whoever we want to be. When I’m angry, I don’t go kill someone out of anger. Neither do you. And I also don’t verbally abuse someone else out of anger either.

Don’t discount verbal and emotional abuse. It’s real. It’s out there. It’s prevalent among teenagers and young adults.

Don’t be the one who stays because you “love him (or her) so much!”

Leave. Get out while you can.

You are worth more than what that person tells you. And you don’t owe anything to this person who treats you like this out of malice, hate or pure anger.

When they tell you they’ll kill themselves if you leave- they won’t. And if they do, that’s still not your fault. Quit allowing them this power over you. You deserve better.

Get out now, while you still can. You aren’t giving up on the person. You are finally allowing yourself the chance to be happy.

You aren’t responsible for how your loved one chooses to act. Freedom is a breath away. One step away. Go find it.


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